Wheeeeeeeew!

1:11pm: I'm baaa-aack!

maybe not though... who really knows these days?

11:06pm: irresponsibility
Hm, many books i never read appear to be due today.

oh well, Lincoln City Libraries, it looks like i've blown you off yet again!

9:15pm: College is scary
After a four day excursion into the college world with my dad, i've concluded that i don't ever want to leave the bosom of my mommy!

Neither of the colleges i'm interested in even allow cars for freshmen and sophomores. one of them is in minneapolis/st paul, the poopiest city for driving EVER, and the other one is in a neighborhood where there isn't a house valued at under about 5 million dollars (and i'm not exaggerating) I'm starting to regret not looking harder at colleges in lincoln, but i'll be damned if i go to UNL, and i'd gouge my eyes out if I became an english major at weslyan (a three block waddle from my front door) I guess that leaves Union college. the crazy ass one full of seventh day adventists.

ooh, a story:

dad and I stayed at a comfort inn in St paul monday after driving and visiting. At about 2 AM someone began banging on our door. "let me in," a woman's voice called.
"you have the wrong roon," said my daddy in a scary voice. "I left my contact in there!" (dad tells me later that she's pawing at her bloodshot eye) ...silence... "Go away," "No, Jared, let me in.... your my brother Jared Johnson." "No, go away," "You're not my brother?" (and in a scarier, adament voice, dad says:) "NO!" ... "What?" says the woman's voice. "GO AWAY YOU HAVE THE WRONG ROOM" ...silence... "oh, I have the wrong room?" "YES," "What?...silence... C'mon, just let me in the fucking room" "GO AWAY" ... "Fuck..." and she wanders off.

i know, right.

4:05pm: Fingernails are gross.
We open in about three and a half hours... i should probably learn my lines.

But no. i instead choose to give myself a manicure.

8:31pm: Bloop Bloop Bloop
So today was the first day that i didn't have musical practice for like, three weeks, and It Is Awesome! When I got home I sat and ate a plum, then I went to barnes and noble for coffee and browsing. After that i decided i'd go surprise my daddy at work, and as i drove in to Gateway, i saw his truck so i parked the car right next to it. Just as I was taking the key out, I looked up and my dad's face was in the passenger's side window! He had gotten off work early and we giggled about it for a while.

Then i ate enchiladas.

now i'm perfecting a broadway/disney sing along mix, if there's anything in that genre that you think no mix would be complete without, please share!

So, today in Newspaper (otherwise known as toni's bi-polar class) a bunch of musical kids came in to be interviewed and I overheard some of logan reising's comments. The tone of his voice was SO BITTER i thought i would die of happiness. It's just the way i feel. Everyone in that damn show would rather be doing something else. There are certain people that i'd rather not spend four hours a night with, yet spend it I must.

on a saucier note, I like enchilada sauce.

oh wait, it's bi-polar because i'm either hating everbody in the room, and thinking that they-re all incompetent, blathering boobs, or i'm laughing my head off with them and loving the creative process and the pictures and the layout and the named computers.

journalism is a real mother.

10:05pm: I needed somewhere to unload this little gem.
oh, and fyi, "Orangu-tangue" is to be pronounced as "or-ain-jew-tain-jew" or "orangutang" if you're not italian. more fyi i got this mad lib esque thingy from http://www.prillalar.com/drabbles/, have fun!

The Miracle Of The Orangu-tangue

Booberella hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it Like a lonely huntress carrying the kill back to her bloated and hunger driven kiddies. She loathed it.

Every December, Booberella would feel herself getting all lightly freckled inside. She refused to put up a Christmas dart, she snapped at anyone rank enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Booberella had to go to the mall to buy a turgid sex. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing flabbergastedley around and so much Christmas music blaring gleefully, she thought her elbow pit would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was an opaque man collecting for charity. Booberella never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the opaque man dropped his bells and ran by the side of the road. There was a five-spice covered orangu-tangue right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the opaque man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Booberella rushed out and sexily pushed them both out of the way. There was a enormous bang and then everything went dark.

When Booberella woke up, she was in a glowey room. There was a Christmas dart in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Booberella's clavical hurt. A lot.

The opaque man came into the room. "I'm so rancid!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Pool Boy Juan. You saved me from the truck. But your clavical is broken."

Booberella hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas dart up and her clavical was broken, she felt quite moist, especially when she looked at Pool Boy Juan.

"Your clavical must hurt unwillingly," Pool Boy Juan said. "I think this will help." And he licked Booberella several times.

Now Booberella felt very moist indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Pool Boy Juan. "I love you," she said, and kissed Pool Boy Juan rhigamortisedly.

"I love you too," said Pool Boy Juan. Just then, the orangu-tangue ran into the room and nuzzled Booberella's eyebrow. "I brought him home with us," Pool Boy Juan said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Booberella said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

9:32pm: bleh
hm. it appears i went to school today.

1:57pm: New york was pretty awesome.

and that's as articulate as my muddled mind will allow me to be right now. more information will come later.

oh, and for a special someone out there... HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY, MEGAN! i'm sorry i missed the rockin' party, but i was busy sitting in a car for twenty six hours. i kept thinking that for my birthday present for you i'd get you a nice semi-automatic sidearm and you could try it out on me. but i think i'd get more pleasure out of that than you and i didn't want to be selfish.

oh, and by the way, my brother just got a six.5 week old kitten named Mimsey. i shit myself she was so cute!

10:33am: Where the fuck is my fucking thunderstorm!!!!!!!!!?

GAGHHHHHHh

I'm going to be gone the week we do all the schedule changes and ID pictures and locker assignments, and since the counselors aren't in until then, that means that i won't get a chance to talk to them until AFTER everyone else did, and since they totally fucked up my schedule, i NEEEEED TO TALK TO WRIGHTSMAN before all the good classes are taken up.

if i get stuck with mathias in regular CI, i will not feel any remorse when i impale her on the first day of school.

grr. but i DON'T WANT MATHIAS, I WANT JCORN.

(for those of you who are wondering... yes. this is what a temper tantrum from the one and only toni yost looks like)

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

2:41pm: William Tecumseh Sherman is the fucking MAN!

Oh, and according to imdb Sir Ewan Mcgregor is doing a Woody Allen film with...colin farrell
i have no idea how i feel about that, but i'm sure i'll see it because that's just how i am.

Hm, i haven't updated for a while but i'm still alive. as a matter of fact, i'm so still alive that got my senior pictures taken on saturday. We went to this crazy house on a golf course in woodland hills, which is this rich neighborhood between Eagle and Palmyra. There was about a full acre of pristinely landscaped garden, with a little creek and a koi pond all covered with lily pads. Then we went to east campus and took like two rolls of me sitting in the cyprus tree. i think those are going to be my favorites. By the by, that house was a Michael Jackson level of crazy. I'm not shitting you when i say that it had 11 levels. not stories, levels. all of them perfectly ready to be photographed for home and garden.

They let me change outfits in one of the spare bedrooms on the top floor and I'm pretty sure that nobody had ever slept there, and yet it still had an antique armoire that probably cost more than all the furniture in my house put together.

pff, rich people.

3:34pm: MANNN thatsagood squishy!
Anyone who has yet to try red creme soda (yes creme, not cream) hasn't truly lived. The color is something that couldn't possibly appear naturally, excepet perhaps on a baboon's deriere, and you can actually feel your teeth recoiling up into thier hidey-holes at the mere sight of the tasty nectar, but man is it addictive. Brand: Best Choice Price: cheap cheap cheap Calories: 190 Flavor Sensation: there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited. And if you don't like it I don't like you. OK that's not true.

10:06pm: Whoobity, Whoobity Whoop.
Summer has been pretty awesome so far, My only complaint is that there is far too little karaoke involved. I have never wanted to well, Ok, I actaully really want to lip synch even more than actually sing... and i want to do it a lot. Bobby Darin's "beyond the sea" SOMEHOW made it's way into my CD player today and i couldn't help but do the ewan dance to it. That's what started this whole thing off.

Can you believe I haven't blown up fireworks for two years? 2 summers ago i was in Arizona, and I went to a professional display, and last summer in Madison, we only blew bottle rockets off of My brother in law's balcony. I look forward to inflicting some major damage this year. What better way to celebrate my nations independance than by blowing up a small part of it?The way

7:59pm: AUGHHHHHHHH!
Any buffy (and Giles in particular) fans go here NOW. NOW NOW NOW.



http://bestof.provocateuse.com/show/anthony_stewart_head/98

i know, right?

9:36am: Drivin Slow on Sunday Mornin' -eep
FlibFlibFlibFlimFlam, I love sunday mornings! Wellll, I mainly love that I don't have to go to church and teach snot nosed children rudimentary bible skills for an hour before being harangued for being less than half a century old by my choir director for another hour and a half.

and I made myself an omolette. It was delicious, but now i taste like omolette. gross.

my new favorite item, buy the way is a fuck-it bucket : "When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it' and eat yourself some motherfucking candy" !!

tee hee. thank you Mr. Paul Sedaris.

3:02pm: BLEHHHHH.
what did I learn last night? i should really be more responsible. i left my match in anna's car and i'm pretty sure i left my corduroy jacket at dane's. oh well, both of those things are easily retrievable.

Bah, college is sounding exceptionally hard right now. I don't want to deal with the stress of picking out a place to LIVE for the next four years of my life... I don't know why i'm complaining though, everyone else has to deal with the same thing. Right now dana college in blair is looking pretty good to me. although i'd really love to go out of state. harumph.

oh, yeah! i learned something else last night. Being in the presece of self-depricating people is the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER. especially if they keep feeding my pizza.

1:53pm: rumble rumble
So, i'm attempting to do this completely traditional Orthodox fast thing before Easter tonight. (For those of you who are don't know, the Eastern Orthodox calender is a week behind the regular one) So I haven't eaten any thing but clear liquids for about twenty four hours (since noon yesterday)

Here is the conversation i just had-

Toni's stomach: poop. i'm hungary
toni: correction- hungry. Besides shut up, we're doing it to prove our moral fiber and self restaint.
t's stomach: you shouldn't have danced so violently to the b-52's in your living room just a few minutes ago, it burnt the few calories you had left.
toni: true... man i wish mom hadn't just made a big thing of guacamole, it looks delicious.
t's somach: to you right now, a piece of cardboard box would look delicious.
toni: true. very true. crap, i'm hallucinating again.
Ewan Mcgregor: hey, toni, let's go get some tapas.

7:40pm: petty and resentful
I just learned that mom is taking the day off tomorrow, and now i'm kind of angry. You know, it feels like she's stepping over some kind of line... basically i don't like it when parents are around for days off. i had planned on doing a lot of i search, but i always feel like i need to entertain my mom. She doesn't understand that kids will spend hours on end listening to music, watching bad tv, and occasionally typing a paper and nothing else. oi.
On a better note, Yay! I think Melia is OK with us rapping about her. I hope she gets that it's meant to be flattering and silly, not creepy... Anywho, as for The Other "Character" in that particular story line from rumor has it, i'm not so sure... i kind of dread talking to him about it. That's why i'll probably avoid it. Whatev, it's the best song ever... We should get a grammy for Best Breakout Performance in a White Female Nebraskan Hip Hop Duo.

...boy, i think i overuse elipses.... :)

Also, i've got a church sleepover tomorrow night that i'm kind of dreading, I'm OK with some of those people, but i don't particularly want to sleep in their immediate proximity. yuk.
-I'm outi-

4:41pm: Cold war Shmold-war...
I HATE IKE

9:11am: I love my chemistry class
yesterday, Emily Lathrop said "electrons aren't sex"

and I died happy!

WELLL, i am currently sitting in our ever insufficient media center. after working on my charlie chaplin speech for about three minutes, i decided to give the i search some in school research time, but much to my chagrin, there isn't a bit of info on conflict diamonds. oh well.

well, i ought to go, seeing as how i'm probably breaking some rule or another. Ta.

6:11pm: Spring? Break.
It's so pretty outside, I think I'm going to hurl! each and every little branch is covered, and when you step out it's the kind of snow that settles on you nose and eyelashes! brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things... well, as I perused the internet this afternoon, i stumbled on this, the most frightening picture i have ever seen.

7:14pm: <td align="center"> Toni --
[adjective]:

Similar to butter in texture and appearance

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>


Any-who, here's how my day off went: woke up around 8:30, read the paper. wated for mom to leave, and then i watched the hell out of some regis and kelly and the gilmore girls. took a much needed shower. Went downstairs to play with our new cd burner. created a fabu mix, which i plan on playing back stage. read about 70 pages of the da vinci code to finish it (don't ask me if I liked it, you'll only get a confusing hissing sound in response) i then checked my phone and had a voice mail from an unknown number (always exciting) it turned out it was some chick thinking i was old chicago and trying to book a room for her rehersal dinner for 55-60 people. had to call her and tell her that I was, in fact, not old chicago (not so exciting) i then spent an hour of so doing my isearch bibliography (check out economilix to see how that went) watched the simpsons. made dinner while i talked to my brother on the phone for a half hour or so. to conclude, who wants to spread me on some toast?

6:30pm: The choices of master samwise:
here's the thing,
I could be looking at lines right now, but i'm not
I could me studying Chem for a massive test we're having tomorrw
I could be doing SOMETHING productive (i.e. laundry because i think i've run out of pants)
but no. I'll probably go over to practice a little early and gnab some free food from the swim banquet, and then proceed to laugh way to much at rehersal with some very entertaining people, and talk about certain other, not so entertaining people with the entertaining people because we're high school kids, and that's what we do.

I'm happy with the choices I've made. This way I'm clueless(and quite possibly in for a punch in the face from chapman(or branden)) a failure, and pantsless. But you know what? as long as i'm fat and laughing, I'll deem today a success.

5:47pm: Well, fuck me swinging...

did you know that if you manage to find a leprachaun, AND catch the laprachaun, he'll give you some gold?
You learn something new everyday.

an, am I in the mood for St. Patty's day, I'm going to go all out this year, so if anyone wants corned beef and cabbage, i will be willing to make it for you, maybe i'll even put green food coloring in nonalcoholic beer. I love the irish

speaking of which, does every one know that that elijah wood has a new film out called hooligans, about soccer fanatics, and it looks pretty bad, but i'll pretty much have to see it because frodo gets the shit kicked out of him by some irishmen. That sounds like a megan kind of movie to me... :)

7:49pm: You all may very well have noticed my new icon, I have one thing to say about it.
SHUT UP AND DON'T JUDGE ME! I like what i like. and this happened to be hilarious, so there.

Well, I hadn't checked my e-mail for a week or so, and when I went in the a minute ago, I had about 50 emails, all from colleges. I just sat there for a while and then i slowly backd away from the computer. I'm not ready to make a choice like that, and if george bush keeps listening to my telephone calls, I may have to flee the country, and we all know how expensive overseas education is. looks like it's the life of a wino for me!

3:45pm: Mother fucker, I just wrote a huge, heartfelt entry, and then accidentaly erased it ALL. Let me explain, no, no time to 'splain... let me sum up.

OK, so realized from talking with Ian that life sucks, so have decided to make life not suck from here on out. (that point isn't articulated very well)

Damn, if you want to know what's going on, just talk to me.

Anywho, i totally recommend catch 22 to any one with some free book reading time. Branden Tovado saw me reading it the other day and (rudely) excalimed that he had read it and didn't like it, so i like it even more now...however that works.